'Dad Jokes' in English
Basic Puns
| I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! |
| I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off! |
| I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. |
| I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me. |
| I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" |
| Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint! |
| I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know 'y'! |
| I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off. |
| I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. |
Food related Dad jokes
| What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi! |
| Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! |
| Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well. |
| I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. |
| Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up! |
| I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. |
| Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! |
| How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! |
| I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know which comes first! |
| What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! |
| I burned my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should've put it on aloha setting! |
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Animal related Dad jokes
| What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Neptune. |
| What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. |
| Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey. |
| What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea! |
| Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish! |
| How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! |
Sports related Dad jokes
| Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! |
| Why don't basketball players go on vacation? They would get called for traveling! |
| How does a soccer player stay cool? They stand near the fans! |
| Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! |
| What did the football coach say to the vending machine? "Give me my quarterback!" |
| Why do tennis players never get married? Love means nothing to them! |
| What's a baseball player's favorite type of music? Swing! |
| Why was the math book sad after the baseball game? It realized it had too many problems! |
| What do you call a fish that plays basketball? A slam-dunk! |
| How does a hockey player get to work? By skating! |
Technology related Dad jokes
| Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs. |
| Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! |
| How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots. |
| Why did the smartphone go to school? To become a smartie! |
| Why couldn't the computer take its hat off? Because it had a CAPS LOCK on! |
| Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays. |
| Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems. |
| Why did the computer go to art school? To become a graphic designer! |
| How do you fix a broken website? With a sticky web developer! |
Science related Dad jokes
| Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! |
| What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hareline. |
| Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. |
| Why do chemists like nitrates so much? Because they're cheaper than day rates! |
| How do you organize a space party? You "planet"! |
| Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! |
| Why did the math teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry. |
| How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it! |
| Why do scientists find it easy to study bacteria? They have a lot of culture! |
Vacation related Dad jokes
| Why don't skeletons go on vacations? They don't have the guts! |
| I went on a vacation to an island, but it was terrible. There was nothing to do but sit around and be board! |
| Why did the computer go on a beach vacation? It needed some byte and sand! |
| Why don't mountains ever go on vacations? They always peak too soon! |
| I took a vacation to the ocean and brought my pet turtle. It was a shell of a good time! |
| Why did the sun go on vacation? It needed to recharge its solar batteries! |
| Why don't oysters take vacations? Because they're afraid of shell shock! |
| Why do cows love going on vacations? They get to moo-ve to new pastures! |
Hope you guys enjoyed our section of Dad jokes. Want to learn more in English language? Check out more of our articles on our Sprachcaffe magazine.
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